If I Had My Life To Live Over

Lately I have been thinking about how fast time is passing by.  My oldest son started high school and every time I attend a freshman parent event or function, I hear the same message — enjoy these non-stop days because they are going to go by fast, and when it is over, you will miss it. I am trying to take that message to heart, to conscientiously make an effort to be present in the moment to enjoy and savor a particular meal, mass, soccer game, conversation…. without mentally rushing ahead to think of what I have to do next.   It reminded me of something Erma Bombeck wrote after she was diagnosed with cancer.    She titled her essay, If I Had My Life to Live Over:

If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television – and more while watching life.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.”
There would have been more “I love you’s”.. More “I’m sorrys”
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute… look at it and really see it … live it…and never give it back.

I love this essay.  So much of what Bombeck wrote resonates with me.  Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the line, “I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.”  I have to admit it is what prompted me to call my husband last week at work to see if he would mind if I invited my son’s soccer team and their parents over for an end-of-season Pasta Party next weekend.  I know (probably better than anyone) how hectic our weekends can be and having a relatively low-key one is rare.  Yet hosting the party is something that I really wanted to do, despite the realization that it would mean more work on my end.  I wanted to create an opportunity that allowed me and my husband to get to know my son’s soccer team and to interact with their families.  I barely know all the names of the kids on his team and yet my son has spent somewhere in the ballpark of 100 hours with this group of boys since he started his high school experience.   I not only want to know these kids, I feel like I need to know them, so I can be more a part of my son’s  life now that the landscape of his life is changing.  Like most women I know, I tend to think the cleanliness of my home and its orderly state is a reflection of me.  It should be a reflection of my family on a whole, but yet, I feel like it is more about me than anyone else. Yet, I would rather expose myself and some dust that may exist around my home than miss the chance to interact with this group of people.

As I think about Bombeck’s words, it leads me to think about another wise woman’s words — Maya Angelou.   Angelou said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  I love that too, because I know her words are true.  It won’t matter if I don’t have time to vacuum the living room before the pasta party, because honestly 20 soccer players + their parents = 60 people in my house,  with that many guests, I don’t think anyone will even really be able to see the floor to determine if it is dirty or not!

I want my son to know that with everything going on in our hectic, fast-paced lives, that I will always find the time to be a part of his life and to do things that will support him and his endeavors no matter where his life leads him.  In ten, twenty years time I suspect that the boys on his team will not recall what was served or whether or not there were enough chairs for everyone to sit down (there won’t be!) but I do hope the memory of this get together is something that they recall with fondness.

Life does not have to be all about the big celebrations, sometimes it is the smaller ones that are the most memorable.  Last month is a perfect example of my trying to embrace this notion … my husband was turning 49 and his birthday happened to fall on a Saturday when his alma mater, the Fighting Irish’s football game was being televised.  He had dropped hints that it would be fun if we invited friends over to watch the game and hang out in honor of his birthday. Well, life had a way of coming at me full force in the weeks leading up to his birthday, since his birthday also coincides with the madness that surrounds the back to school transition, so it wasn’t until the Monday before the game that I realized it was now or never. I needed to invite folks or no one would be sitting in our family room with him on his birthday rooting on his favorite team.  I sent a couple of private messages on Facebook to two of my husband’s friends from high school and invited their wives too.  We ran into my in-laws at my sons soccer game the next day, so I invited them as well. I also emailed a couple of college buddies who live near by to invite them to join us for the game. When Saturday rolled around, we had 10 guests in our home who had each known my husband for at least a quarter of a century.  It was casual and semi-last minute, which made me appreciate how it seemingly all came together without a lot of fuss. I was not finished with the food preparation when guests started arriving, so while the men headed to find a spot in front of the TV, the ladies joined me in the kitchen and as good friends do, pitched in and began helping me.  Wine glasses in hand, conversation flowing, it was a fabulous day on every level.  I loved being able to surround my husband with people he loved and who loved him on his birthday, and not worrying about everything being picture perfect, allowed the celebration to be just that!