If you are in the company of today’s youth on a regular basis, I am sure that like me you will notice certain phrases gaining popularity from time to time. Lyrics to a song might spark the popularity of a certain phrase or an often played commercial whose catchy tag line gets imbedded in the minds of television viewers. Having a marketing background, I love a good tag line, Nike’s Just Do It and Under Armour’s Protect This House are two of my favorite ones that resonate in my mind as the work of a genius marketing group.
There is a new phrase that I am hearing more and more spoken in my presence. It is being spoken not only in my house, in conversations between my kids and their friends, and it is one I am not particularly liking. I have heard adults say it, perhaps mimicking their own kids, but the spoken source is primarily tweens and teens. The phrase is “I’m just saying…” and usually it comes at the end of a series of remarks or comments that may or may not be interpreted as offensive. Wanting to know where this catch-phrase came from, I did a little online research. According to the Urban Dictionary, this phrase is used by a speaker when someone is offended by something he or she said. This phrase then removes all the offensiveness of the previous statement, making it all good.
It reminds me of a phrase that I banned from our house a few years ago, “no offense.” My kids used to use that phrase to nudge, annoy, insult or simply get a reaction out of one another. They would say things to each other without considering the impact of their words and, by adding those two words at the end of their remarks, would absolve themselves of any wrong doing. And when reprimanded by me or my husband, they would defend themselves by pointing out that they said, “no offense.” When we pointed out that using those words did not give them (or anyone else) free rein to speak with reckless disregard for the other person’s feelings, we were initially met with blank stares and silence. But the combination of a stare and silence can speak volumes to a parent. Having long ago developed the ability to read minds (only of those I gave birth to), I knew that at that point in their lives they viewed our parental position on “no offense” as proof that their parents did not understand the world in which we live.
To some extent, they are right. Sometime I find myself wondering about the world we live in and how it seems so different from the one I grew up in, not that long ago. I don’t understand why many parents strive to be their child’s friend instead of being their Mom or Dad. I don’t understand when a parent overhears their child being disrespectful or worse, is the recipient of the verbal disrespect, and chooses not to address the issue. I have learned that some people would rather avoid the unpleasantness associated with being a parent – namely disciplining – at all costs. Yet, by ignoring the small infractions, I have seen them snowball and create huge family discord.
So not wanting to harp on this topic over and over, we did what has worked for us in the past. We declared a new family rule – those two words (no offense) off-limits in our house. They no longer are permissible since, in our parental wisdom, we deem them doing more harm than good. Lucky for us, it is estimated that the English language has, at the very least, a quarter of a million distinct English words. Eliminating two words – only when used in combination – does not limit their ability to express themselves.
I realize that as parents, we need to pick our battles. Life would be exhausting if we had to constantly influence, encourage, re-direct, motivate, educate, edit, guide, steer, channel, stimulate, and advocate for our children. Perhaps that’s why, like so many parents I know, I am frequently exhausted. I think, by definition, parents need to do all of those things as much as possible.
The jury is still out on I’m just saying. We have not deemed that phrase off-limits (yet) in our house. We have had discussions in our house with our children about our concerns with this popular phrase and have raised their consciousness about its overuse. Since our kids are now beyond the “no offense” period in their lives, perhaps just making them aware of the growing misuse of these new words will be enough to motivate them to think before speaking. I am hopeful that other parents will consider the catch-phrases that their own children use on a regular basis. Words are so powerful and children need to be taught that their words have impact on others. They have the ability to lift people up and bring immense joy, or they can hurt someone terribly and have a lasting negative impact. I think children need to be reminded that they hold the power…I’m just saying.
meganmurphyodonnell 